The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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