i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
