I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
