I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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