she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
