he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize