the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
