I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
