Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
