I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
