If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
