I just pynch a tree in the face
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
