it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize