I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize