it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
