I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i came on her dog
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize