He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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