Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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