Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
