I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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