That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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