I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
