My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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