I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
