yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
