You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
