Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
