My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
