your thong is hanging out like whoa
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
