Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize