My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize