so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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