u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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