A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
