I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
