Pappa wants mamma naked
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
