We're facebook friends in real life
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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