so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
