When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
