he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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