well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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