cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
