i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
