I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
NoShamevember. You game?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
