508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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