I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
