I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
