What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
