R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
