dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
