why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize