i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
