She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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