You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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