apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
