Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
