yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
