Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
