making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Randomize
