Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
