You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
