What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
your room smells of hookers.
And success
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
