he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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