wrigley field is MILF paradise
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
