No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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