she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
