There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
